Wow, how this year, 2017, has flown by! It seems like yesterday, I was bringing in the New Year with awesome friends, cheap champagne, and a vision.  I remember the countdown beginning, the clock striking midnight, and proclaiming twenty-seventeen to be one of the best years of my life- in which it has not disappointed.  This black girl’s magic was put to work- tested, tried, and true; relinquishing positive results particularity in understanding that the reward is in the process.

This year has presented a lot of first for me.  Those first confronted my inability to commit (to all things worth committing too), to letting go of things and or situations that no longer served a purpose in my life and to accept what’s rightfully mine.  All of this was a “process” for me because I did not like to confront situations head-on, I downplayed my worth and I did not intentionally seek returns on my investments.  I would use time as a fixer while never addressing the root of an issue.  I’ve learned, when the root of an issue is not confronted, the frustration and anxiety felt can abruptly resurface towards the wrong person or at the wrong time.

Also, accepting compliments such as “good job”, “looking good today” and “proud of you” was not an easy task for me; I would brush the compliments off rather than acknowledge and accept.  I wanted to show humility and not an ounce of arrogance, but my humbleness teetered towards timid-ness.  I’ve learned that being confident does not equate to being cocky, and I have since allowed those compliments to render that I actually did perform a great job, I am a good friend, I did look good in a three-day twist-out, and someone is proud of me; most importantly, I am proud of me.

My initial goals for the year were surface level, such as a new apartment, developing a healthy lifestyle and travel (to name a few) which all turned into a deep exploration of self.  It’s amazing, to say the least, how the simple things turn into self-actualizing moments.  I did not expect this year to awaken the dead of issues once buried or burst open the box of secrets once locked away, but I’m glad it did; I can walk out of 2017 with less shame, doubt, and fear.  I am forever grateful to 2017 because I’ve learned the reward is not always in finishing, but in the patience and persistence, it takes to get there.

 

Amber 




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